I just had one of the longest and most narratively consistent dreams ive had in a loong time. Ill just write this down here so I dont forget it.
I was in the philippines, in a dream world that represented apocalypse now mixed with the beach. I was with about 5 other ppl, 2 or 3 westerners and a few islander types. For some reason we were held hostage on a house boat on some jungle river by a fat white guy with a small cc pistol who was about to rape one of my friends. The beginning details are hazy, but I remember coming up behind him with a fire extinguisher and bashing his head in by surprise, and then dumping he body into the river after filling his pockets with stones.
Everybody was freaking out. we had just killed a guy, and even tho he was a rapist and likely kidnapped us (I dont know cuz the dream started en media res), we were concerned with getting caught by bandits or executed by police, so one of the islander dudes grabbed the wheel and we hauled ass down the river to the next town. I was convinced that we should raze the boat as soon as possible, so I got to work looking for gasoline to splash everywhere and valuables or weapons to salvage before we destroyed the evidence.I put on rubber gloves to hide my fingerprints and started searching the boat.
The guy’s houseboat was filthy. There was dust and grime everywhere and gross shit like empty lotion bottles and jizz rags laying around. The gloves were useful not only for avoiding leaving prints, but also for not touching his nasty ass shit. There was an xbox360 and a small tv. The xbox was on but the tv was off, so i turned the tv on out of curiosity to see what he was playing before he died, but i couldn’t find the input channel and gave up. The guy was crabfood anyway, and would never finish whatever game he was playing.
I didn’t find anything useful in his room except a machete, a hammock, a shitload of cash in a strange currency i’d never seen before, and a bag of weed (nice), but then I found a box that had a sling and aftermarket stock attachment for an M4, so I became convinced that there was an assault rifle around here
somewhere and kept looking. At this point the first cop walked in.
I was terrified when the cop walked in because I assumed I would be hauled off to Jail or executed for murder, but the cop kind of just looked at me, and then looked at the pile of cash and said quite lazily, “Do you guys have any liquor?”
I grabbed a dusty bottle from the house boat’s kitchen and our group shared it with these two cops who didn’t seem to care about anything. I had no Idea if they had found the body of the rapist already, or if they had no idea about what had happened and were just hassling us for free liquor and bribe money. After a bit they were pretty drunk and offered to give us a police escort down the river to the next town.
In the town, we went to a bar near the docks that resembled the pirates cove from pirates of the caribbean. It was full of sordid types and everything was dirty and broken. While we were in there, I heard screaming from the docks and gunfire, so I ran out there to find one of my group members riddled with bullets, and some bandit-types taking off in our boat. Or rather, the dead guys boat that we were using.
I dove in the water and started swimming after the boat and successfully grabbed hold of the ladder that was hanging off the back and into the water. There were enemies above me trying to dislodge me from the ladder with kicks and blows to the head with a rifle stock, but I successfully grabbed one of them and pulled him into the water with me and got him into a headlock and held his head under water until he drowned. The whole time the enemies on the ship were beating at my head with rifle stocks, and eventually the blows were too much and I let go.
The boat cruised off down the river and I felt like I was fucked, because I would need the money that was on board to escape punishment for my crime and get out of the country. I floated in the water in despair until I saw another boat approaching. It was the rest of my group, who had stolen another boat from the pier and were fixing to give chase to the bandits that had stolen the other boat that we had stolen before.
They pulled me up on board and I realized that they had taken the boat’s owners, and older white couple, hostage in the process of stealing the boat. The couple didn’t seem to mind however, and even thought they were tied up they were giving us directions to the way the boat thieves might have gone.
This boat wasn’t a house boat, but rather a tugboat, and was towing several barges with pickup trucks and ATVs on them. I have no idea why this was. Dream situations are often senseless. The other thing that the old couple had on this boat was guns. Lots of them. AK’s, M14’s, even old soviet Nuggets from WWII. Crates of them.
Our boat that contained the cash that would get us out of this situation was losing speed and we were catching up to it. Everyone was locking and loading and getting ready to engage the bandits when bullets started pinging off the hull of the tugboat. They were firing on us.
I climbed to the roof of the boat and laid down and scoped one of the dudes with a Nugget and shot him through the throat. His neck basically exploded and he fell into the water. Then I shot the guy behind the wheel and blood splashed all over the house boat’s windshield. The boat slowed to a crawl. There were about 4 of them left but they could’t get to the steering wheel because they were pinned down by gunfire from my group. I fixed a bayonet on the end of my nugget and we caught up to them, and as we rammed them the boats lurched violently, accompanied by the sound of rending steel. I jumped from the roof of the tugobat and boarded the houseboat, charging one of the bandits with fixed bayonet, and then I woke up cuz my gf came in.
There’s a certain shame you feel after you consider mayonnaise as a condiment when eating a raw onion and your brain goes “BRILLIANT!” and then not a half second later you think, “no, that’s retarded.”